The Deacon and the Shield Read online

  “Hey, Deacon, Eddy, calm down – it’s only a dream! You’re safe, man! We’re on the way home, remember? Look out the window – nothing but blue skies.”

  “Wow, Bob, I keep having this nightmare, over and over. I know we made it, but in this dream, I’m trapped with no way out of that guard post and they just keep coming and yelling. It’s that horrible look on their faces as if they possess no fear and will not stop – never stop! And, I can’t forget Bill – how he fought so hard and for so long and then, you know.”

  Bob tried to help: “It’s alright, man – I have them too. It’ll get better when we get home to the land of the big PX. I still can’t believe we are actually on this plane. It’s such a beautiful day to be going home to our wives and moms. No time for bad thoughts – not today!”

  “Bob, there’s something else that I haven’t mentioned before – too scared! It’s the way we escaped. Remember when that mortar round hit the bottom of our guard post and it toppled over and crashed – with us still inside. And how we were knocked unconscious. And then we woke up the next morning and everything was over – all the fighting and commotion. Well, here’s the weird part: I think I was awake right after the shock. It was like I was half-dead and half-alive. Something or somebody else was there with us. I could not recognize the figure but it was obvious. Whatever it was, it shielded us from the NVA as they paraded around looking for somebody to shoot. They never saw us because this mysterious object deflected their vision by spreading his six big wings that covered us. Then that giant protector waved a great sword that flamed fire and light. It was like sudden encompassing brightness that blinded the attackers and they just stumbled away in other directions. After that, I passed out completely until you shook me back to life. Even now, I believe that an angel saved us and that the vision was not just a figment of my imagination that I conjured in my fright.”

  “That is weird, Eddy! Better not repeat that story too loud – they might keep you for evaluation or something. Don’t let nothing keep you in this man’s army any longer than that steak dinner that is waiting for us at Ft. Lewis. But, to ease your thoughts, my mom would believe you in a heartbeat. She told me just before I left that angels have bulletproof wings and if I’m a good boy, will protect me. Maybe she was right.”

  “Yeah, Bob, probably so. But when I found poor Bill in the rubble, he was barely conscious. I tried to help and prayed with him but I knew that he was already too far gone to save – even for the angels. His last words were of his mother. His last look was a smile. I really hope that figure was truly an angel and it took him away from that awful mess to that better place that awaits us all.”

  “You are so right, man, but we got to forget for now – let’s play 21 to make the time go faster.”

  After a long flight, the pilot announced: “This is the captain. It’s with great pleasure that I am privileged to inform you that you are now in the territory of the United States of America. Look below and you will see the Pacific coastline. It’s time to buckle up because we will be landing in about 20 minutes. Welcome to the USA and to Fort Lewis, Washington. And thank you for your service to your country.” Then, the entire plane erupted with robust and lingering cheers as a feeling of euphoria swept the embattled veterans who were coming home. “Thank you, God!”

  Eddy, at times, did not think that he would make it home in one piece. His fleeting moments of solace only surfaced by visualizing and remembering his lovely wife. But time did pass, every second by second, minute by minute, and finally, here he sits on the plane, safe and alive. But the toll has already been taken. Eddy’s spirit was frayed to the last strand and his soul tested to the core. Few people have ever experienced the essence of life where truth is absolute and is not clouded by a phony facade. Eddy and many of his fellow soldiers throughout the ages have lived there. The trip from ground zero back to a USA way of life and how it sometimes can be so frivolous, takes grit – some make it and some can’t, and some just don’t want to try.

  Before Eddy left for that war, he was ordained as a deacon by the “laying on of hands” by the elders. With all the near misses in battle, he felt that he was being watched over – maybe because of that particular blessing. It was during battle action that he earned the title, The Deacon – given to him by his fellow soldiers. His words of prayer before battles and his compassion for the wounded did not go unnoticed and earned respect. Although he was thankful for his personal good luck, he had mixed emotions: “Sometimes it felt right and sometimes it felt selfish.” But he always kept one plan of action: “Help my brothers, serve 12 months, go home to sanity and a peaceful and loving existence.”

  Bob and Eddy went their separate ways but vowed to stay in touch. Maybe someday they will get together, a reunion. But for now, neither are desirous of remembering old times and the events that stained their lives.

  Family and friends welcomed Eddy home with that love, support, and understanding, but some citizens of the USA were not so kind. There were open protests with shouts of “baby-killers or murderers.” With such hateful scorn, it was trying at times, and even though his goal was in clear sight, it stayed just out of his reach: “Eddy’s body was home but his soul was still on the way and searching.”

  After he calmed down and enjoyed his family surroundings, he resumed a purposeful life at home, at work, and at church with the resumption of his deacon duties. Although the scars and terrible memories will never leave completely, Eddy has learned to coexist. For the individual soldier, there is not much righteousness in war. To survive, things must be done without choice. They are hard to live with. And without public support and understanding, the soldier sometimes will put the blame on himself. His belief about his eternal home is often tarnished into an afterthought and thereby a barrier to God is erected.

  Many years have now come and gone for Eddy Riffle and he currently finds himself swimming in awkward situations which this time could prove to be the last straw. He tried hard, really hard, to be the man he envisioned of himself. But that obstruction to God always stood in the path – too thick to break!

  And, so it was with Eddy, he lost the strength of family and friends and without hope, he slowly tumbled to a sorry state of despair and loneliness – “The Deacon” faded into submission. Once, through faith and devotion, he served but one master – God. Now, through circumstance and temptation, he serves two masters. The struggle; his sickness begat weakness, which begat temptation, which begat the flourishing toward human desires and greed, which begat his downfall.

  No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon, Matt. 6-24

  Why Does Mankind Try to Serve

  Two Masters?

  "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. And on the sixth day, God created mankind in his image and named them Adam and Eve. As part of their being, the Creator gave Adam and Eve, and their descendants, the marvelous ability to reproduce eternal souls which was withheld from angels. Because of this, an infuriated and arrogant angel known as Satan, led a force of defiant angels against God and became devoted to the downfall of mankind. To show his anger, the serpent in the Garden of Eden deceived Eve and she then persuaded her husband, Adam, to eat of the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

  Because of their disobedience, they were expelled from the Garden of Eden and Adam was given the task of tilling the earth from whence he was taken. Eve was given the task: ‘In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children.’ Sin and disobedience, originated by the free will of mankind in the Garden of Eden, has manifested itself until this day. ‘For dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.’" Gen. 1-4, 19.

  What is man that thou art mindful of him? Thou madest him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honor and didst set him over the works of thy hands: Heb. 2:6-7

  From the Author:

  Patriotism is
the one human emotion that solidifies Americans with spirited resolve to maintain a way of life that was bought and paid for by human lives. The prize: “Equality of justice, freedom for all, and the pursuit of happiness.” But the world is constantly changing and many of our forefathers’ intended principles are systematically being diminished with new and radical philosophies and lifestyles – thus the fulfillment of Biblical prophesies.

  July 4th and Independence Day: “I have a small U.S. flag sticking from my pen and pencil cup, and I put some more flags around the driveway. I attend some of the veterans’ activities. I go to the parades and proudly salute the flag. I was an Army artillery soldier and I saw firsthand what brave men and women must achieve to protect and defend the United States of America. Hopefully, the citizens of this country will never lose sight of those sacrifices.”

  The international conflicts of the past 100 years have redefined the meaning of a soldier’s duty: “Doing what it takes and giving of his all – get it done!” In World War II alone, more than 405,000 troops were killed and 670,000 wounded. More than 100 million people from more than 30 countries served, including 16 million from the USA. It resulted in an estimated 50 million fatalities – that’s what it took to save humanity from evil.

  In Vietnam, more than 58,200 U.S. troops were killed in America’s effort to prevent another communist victory after the failed Bay of Pigs Invasion and construction of the Berlin Wall. More than three million Americans served in the war, and 1.5 million saw combat. The United States ended its involvement in 1975 after the fall of Saigon. By that point, military and civilian fatalities were estimated to be between 800,000 and 3.6 million.

  Other 20th century wars: World War I, Korean War, and the current War on Terror. Today, many USA combat soldiers (peacemakers) are being asked to fight in the Middle Eastern area and Afghanistan. To be successful, they need their fellow Americans’ support and admiration both at home and abroad.

  “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time of war, and a time of peace.” Ecc. 3:1-8.

  “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” Matt. 5:9.

  From the Author’s Personal Experiences:

  On March 16, 1968, as a soldier in the US Army, I was treated with a special mission: leave Da Nang, Vietnam, on a commercial airline with a destination of Hawaii. I had earned a 5-day R&R leave of absence. It was there that I would meet my wife, Vicki, for a short rest from the struggles of war. Soldiers in Vietnam were awarded one such “rest and relaxation” trip per year.

  Just before arriving in Hawaii, many of my fellow fatigued soldiers eagerly peered out windows hoping to see any appearance of a quiet, peaceful land. A common thirst: relief from the awful noises of Vietnam – gunfire, explosions, rockets, helicopters whirling to and fro, voices screaming missions, and just plain clamor.

  Then, a voice: “Anybody know what that long runway that’s sticking out and above the waters is being called?”

  No response from anyone, so the soldier felt obligated to answer his own question: “It’s known as The Wailing Wall.”

  Looks of puzzlement spread and no one volunteered to reply – everyone was too excited because this plane was about to land and the anticipation of meeting loved ones had taken charge. There were a lot of happy faces so why would we want to spoil the party?

  My wife and I enjoyed our short escape from reality by relishing in the fruits of Hawaii – tropical environment with calm breezes, sweet to the taste foods and jovial island entertainment, pig roast, poi and just plain relaxing together. It was as if we were new sweethearts, just married – a real blessing and worth the emotional pain of dreading a soon-to-be parting. The time went too fast and the inevitable arrived – the hard part – six more months of duty lie just ahead – a short trip away. I began worrying about that sword that hung over the head of Damocles and secured by the single hair of a horse’s tail. It had to be near the break point! I was only 23 years old and did not want to miss the happiness and excitement that our lives together had promised.

  Why was it called The Wailing Wall? Lots of sorrow and crying occurred on that wall – wives refused to let loose and the soldiers didn’t want to go back to a mess that was called a war, but they had no choice. Rides back to Vietnam were very quiet and somber. There was nothing to say – just private thoughts.

  I was soon back at my post in Chu Lai and was informed about “The My Lai Massacre” – March 16, 1968. For me, the happiness of life was again challenged as I was reminded that life was still being treated as cheap and not revered as a sacred temple. An emotional thought crossed my mind as I strapped on my weapons and gear: “Except for the grace of God, there go I.”

  A horrific event had occurred. It will not be forgotten and is recorded in the annals of history. The atrocity happened at My Lai – only three miles from a landing zone called Cherry Hill, Chu Lai – my post.

  An American United States Army officer was subsequently convicted by court-martial of murdering 22 unarmed South Vietnamese civilians on that March day. This convicted soldier was part of an infantry unit that had been trained in Hawaii and probably not prepared for the mental anguish of war. In the first few months of in-country fighting (some during the Tet Offensive), this unit lost a good portion of their men – KIA or by severe wounds.

  The soldier’s words at the trial: “I was ordered to go in there (My Lai) and destroy the enemy. That was my job that day. That was the mission that I was given. I carried out the order that I was given. I do not feel wrong in doing so.”

  By a six-officer jury, the soldier was sentenced to life imprisonment and hard labor at Fort Leavenworth. In a telephone survey, about 80% believed that the sentence was too harsh and that the soldier had been made a scapegoat. After several years in prison and many appeals and trials, the soldier was eventually freed – some 8 years after the My Lai Massacre.

  On that storied day, many years ago, a weary soldier probably suffering from mental illness or PTSD, lost the American way of life. The root cause of the incident was the infliction of traumatic events – the kind that a human being cannot forget – not ever. To coexist and in desperation, a victim might drive the horrors of such trauma deep into the dark places of their mind – hoping and praying that it will stay silent forever!

  The soldier’s words after release: “There is not a day that goes by that I do not feel remorse for what happened. I am very sorry.”

  The author’s observations: After serving two years of active duty, that included a tour in Vietnam, a “US” soldier (draftee) usually was placed on inactive reserve (no meetings or summer camps) for four additional years. This requirement completed the six-year military obligation. However, during those four years, one was subject to being called up for another stint; it was possible but not probable. But the mere thought of being back in Vietnam often caused “our particular soldier” PTSD nightmares. With reenactments of his past events, he became “like that broken vessel.”

  Sgt. Eddy Riffle’s traumatic past flared through nightmares and reenactments that often repeated in various scenarios. He chose to stay silent as possible and bare the emotions upon his own back and suffer the consequences. For some reason, he thought that he was still doing his duty by not talking.

  His ghost sleep: “In my dream, I thought that I was home free, but not so! I received a call from Uncle Sam which changed everything. They wanted more troops for Vietnam. There was a shortage of replacements for soldiers that have completed their tours and are returning home – not many re-ups for my PMOS or primary duty classification. So, they notified a large number of battle-tested war veterans to report for active duty and another deployment. I had to go or face the consequences of jail time which would effectively end my self-respect and my place in society.”

  “I find myself back in Vietnam: It hurt to leave home and family again. I thought that my life ahead would be blessed and
full of peace and love. But now I have twelve months to be lucky again and not be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everybody that serves in Vietnam needs supreme luck because there are no completely safe spots in this whole country.”

  “So, here I am, getting off the truck at Cherry Hill, Chu Lai.” I see one of my buddies from the last tour. But, wait! He was a casualty of war – KIA. He sees me and yells: “Hey, how you doing, Deacon. I thought that you went AWOL and snuck home a few months ago.”

  “Gordon, is that you? Great to see you again. If I had run off, I wouldn’t be here right now. Jail might be better.”

  Then, I saw another familiar face: “Say, look over there. Isn’t that Dietrich?” He was also a casualty of war from my last tour – KIA. Dietrich looks in my direction and waves. “Hey, Deacon, you bum! How did you get here? Are you still preaching?”

  “Nah, it’s a long story. Just unlucky, I guess. No more preaching for me, nobody will listen anyway. But, tell me: ‘Why are you guys still here? I thought, oh well.’”

  Gordon speaks: “It’s alright to talk about it. We know the score. We were hit and went down. That’s the way of war. You know how it is. Can’t help it. But, Dietrich and me can’t go home just yet. We have some work to do. We go from battle to battle and try to influence where we can. We might nudge someone out of harm’s way; that kind of stuff. They can’t see us like you can. Why can you see us?”

  “I just don’t know! Maybe I’m dead too!”

  “How do I tell Ellie that I’m walking dead?”

  “I must be dreaming. I can’t wake up! Wake up – no use!”

  “God help me because I hate this place – it makes my body ache!”

  My eyes open to the darkness of my bedroom. Ellie is sleeping next to me. It was another nightmare, whew. My first emotion is relief that it was a dream. Then, a sense of euphoria as I realize that I’m still at home and surrounded by love’s comfort. Later, the shock hits. The reality of the dream surrounds me and keep me awake and fretful the rest of the night. I don’t tell Ellie. The next day I will be hard to live with. My mind can’t handle hurtful thoughts about the events that occurred during my year at hell’s front door. So, I seek relief through drink and other.